You Won't Believe It's Not Ableism!

I was born with a congenital heart defect called Transposition of the Great Arteries. Essentially my arteries were switched, my oxygen was mixed poorly & I would die before the age of 1 without surgery. Luckily, surgery was possible. I had a Senning operation which corrected the error, but made my right ventricle do twice the amount of work it normally does. Therefore I get tired quicker & need a longer time to recover. Also; I'm more immunocompromised than the average person & an infection could become endocarditis which is usually fatal. 

From an early age I experienced ableism; the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are superior. I had to go on a seperate bus for disabled folk to school, even though my disability didn't affect the type of transportation I needed. I would sit in a small bus ("hey you go on the short bus hahaha") designed for people with wheelchairs. 

Several times it was mentioned that I should be taking class in the "care room" (a room where they held the intellectually disabled & wheelchair bound) even though I could walk the stairs & I didn't have an intellectual disability; I needed no assistance or accomodation and had A+ grades. 

In gym I was expected to do as much activity as the other children; if I didn't I would get lower marks "You need to keep up!" I'm trying! "You would probably be healthier if you tried harder" I would fail gym, but move on to the next grade. Grade 12 gym was a required pass in order to graduate...and I failed, but luckily I have a decent mom who was able to raise hell.

The gym teacher signed me up for a marathon which I refused to do, which is why I failed the class.

My dad however? Not supportive at all. During the summer I would spend days in the heat helping build the deck or garage or (insert super stressful thing to do). "Why do you need to stop? this is good for you!". When my parents split up he made me in charge of shovelling the snow. I live in Winnipeg, MB one of the COLDEST PLACES ON EARTH. It constantly snows in the winter. Sometimes he'd make me shovel WHILE IT WAS SNOWING OUTSIDE. Thankfully I was only there half a winter.

When I turned 18 I had to get a new doctor...who was not supportive of me. He told me, in front of my grandpa, that "You've just always been lazy". My grandpa quipped "So he was lazy the day he was born? because that's when the trouble started." The doctor was flustered & left without saying anything.

As I get older, I find it more "Places" than "People" that are ableist. For instance the place that I get my echocardiogram (sigh) it's UP an elevator, down a hallway, left, down another hallway, UP an elevator, down another hallway, right, down another hallway. WHO DESIGNED THIS PLACE!? Why does it take so long to get to the heart ward??

I had an exam at a local college and to get to this room I had to walk for TWENTY MINUTES. There were no signs, no benches to take a break, just a LONG hallway with classrooms on either side. "Room 200, so that's the second floor?" I ask the desk person "No, its the first floor" (*rage intensifies)

This is my brief rant about some notable moments/places that featured able-ism. Tune in for more.I'll try to do a more academic approach. 

The Chicks - Gaslighter (2020) Review

Band: The Chicks
Album: Gaslighter
Year: 2020
Label: Sony

If there's anything good that has come out of 2020, it's that The Chicks, who removed "Dixie" from their name due to ties to the South, have come out with their first album in over a decade Gaslighter. I've been a fan since the early 2000's, when they were banned by conservatives for saying they were "ashamed Bush is from Texas." In 2014 I watched them in Concert and was incredibly impressed; they were the best live performace I've been to. Loved shouting "Goodbye Eaaaaaaaarl!" with thousands of fellow fans. 

So hot that Natalie Maines ex husband, heroes actor Adrian Pasdor, sued to try to block its inevitable release, Gaslighter is a no-holding-anything-back album about Maine's & Pasdor's messy split.

Gaslighter, released on Youtube prior to the album's release,  is an explosive lead single that paves the way for a brutally honest, emotionally charged album that will leave you drained by the last song. Melding vengeance with vulnerability, Gaslighter nearly completely abandons The Chicks' former country style (who can blame them country allows songs about men loving their pickup trucks?) for a more contemporary pop appeal. Their music only improves because of it. 

Amid the wreckage of  catchy (I've listened to Gaslighter, the single,  over 20x) divorce anthems, we also get a solid Black Lives Matter song March March and a few numbers (Tights on My Boat) with some good wit peppered within them. My main criticism  of Gaslighter is that I feel like some tunes can be forgotten about the moment you hear them, unlike their post Bush album Taking the Long Way (2005)  This is a good album, but a bit too uneven to be considered "great". 

A liberative group of "Chicks", their new music has been stuck in my head for a while now. I can't wait to see them live once this pandemic is over & shout "GASLIGHTEEEEEEEEEER" among a sea of fans. I wish I could buy tickets now! 

CERB Saved Me During COVID-19

 

Pre Pandemic

I was born with congenital heart disease, more specifically Transposition of the Great Arteries. It's a rare defect where, when I was born, my arteries were reversed. This drastically changes the way blood is circulated around the body & leaves a great shortage of oxygen in  the blood. It's so bad the babies with TGA are born BLUE. 

This must be corrected within months of the child's life, or else it will die before the age of 1. Mine was "corrected" with a Senning Procedure; an Atrial switch operation  that diverts the oxygen-poor blood to the left ventricle and the pulmonary artery and the oxygen-rich blood to the right ventricle and the aorta. With this procedure the right ventricle must do a lot more work than a healthy person. 

As a result I get tired faster & it takes longer to recover, because it takes longer for oxygen to circulate throughout my body & through the lungs. More worrisome is that minor infections can easily become endocarditis, an infection that spreads to the heart (can cause sudden death). My weakened heart wouldn't be able to fight it. 

Covid-19 would be a HUGE problem for me. My lungs are already compromised and this is a virus that attacks them & makes even healthy people have to go on ventilators. Unless I am fortunate enough to be asymptomatic (VERY unlikely) this would easily put me in the hospital. 

Pandemic Times

In March my spouse and I were laid off from our jobs & even though we had saved a decent amount, it wouldn't have lasted long (we were already trying to catch up from being sick most of January). With EI  (55% of our income) we would have been able to pay our bills. Not struggling, but not much room for anything else. 

However since the beginning of March I had a sharp pain in my mouth, followed by daily migraines that made me unable to focus. I would sleep for the entire day when I didn't have work. I went to my regular  dentist & found out terrible news; 2 molars & 2 wisdom teeth would have to be removed, in addition to needing 2 fillings

Remember how I said infections can become endocarditis and thus fatal? I had TWO tooth infections & I've had them for well over a month. 

Everything Closes (March 20th) 

I had an appointment with my cardiologist in April, but they close & the soonest I can see my doctor is Sept. I'm not sure what I should be doing in regards to my health, I'm doing things blindly & hoping for the best.

Also: Motherf*#$@% The dentist closes & I can't get any work done unless it's a "you're going to die today" emergency. They offer me anti-biotics at $15/wk and it's supposed to last me until oh....

Dentist Opens (June 1st) 

At this point I'm in misery. The anti-biotics help, but I'm still in a great deal of pain. 
I think I've spent $100 in antibiotics since March

My wisdom teeth have become so impacted that I need to see a specialist. Due to the delay (because of covid) my bill becomes over THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS. 

Also: due to the risks involved with my heart condition I have to do each procedure sloooowly. Lots of indoor, away from people, recovery time. Don't want to get covid when I'm even more at risk!

Regular dentist
Visit 1: Examination & Xrays ($100) - refers to surgical dentist
Visit 2: Tooth Removal ($150) 
Recovery for a week (No work/activity) 

Specialist
Visit 3: Examination & Xrays ($100) - surgical dentist
Visit 4: Pre surgery cleaning ($125) 
Visit 5: Wisdom tooth removal ($1,000 + drug fees) 
Recovery for a week (No work/activity)
 
Visit 6: Removal of Stitches 
Visit 7: Wisdom Tooth removal ($700 + drug fees) 
Recovery for a week (No work/activity)

Visit 8: Removal of Stitches

Regular Dentist
Visit 9: Filling #1 & 2 ($500) 
Missing 3 Days of Work

Visit 10: Tooth removal ($700 + drug fees)
 
Recovery for a week (no work/activity)
Visit 11: Removal of Stitches 
*I'm also paying $220 for a taxi to/from to limit risk of covid 

Estimated total cost: $3,700

How Cerb saved me

CERB is Canada's emergency response to the massive drop in employment because of COVID. Individuals receive $2,000/mth for 6 months if their job/life has been affected by Covid

If my spouse and I had EI (55% of income) we would have made $2,000/mth. Our bills are...$2,100/mth. -$100/mth

Normally our food budget is $600/mth, but since April we've had to order online, which is more expensive. -$200/mth

We are now back to work at reduced hours, but I've had to take a LOT of time off this Summer. I've spent 4 non consecutive weeks recovering from surgery. Extra caution due to pandemic: -$2,000

In an ideal world, we would not be having a pandemic, I would not have to see a specialist (less $$$), I would not need as much time off & could go on a payment plan. Unfortunately 2020 sucks. 

 I'm glad CERB was here for me during the pandemic because without it I'd probably be dead. What could I do if I can't afford to pay $3,700 upfront for essential dentistry, but I also can't get a loan because all my potential co-signers (I needed a cosigner cause I was laid off)  are also laid off? 

We like to hear about people buying ridiculous things with their CERB money because it makes entertaining news (also makes people mad and tune into the news). 

I spent my CERB money

1) paying $3,700+ in urgent dentist bills (2/6 months)
2) making up for time off recovering from surgery (3/6months)  
3) paying bills when laid off for 2 months from March - May (5/6months) 

*have not accepted 6th month, seeing what cardiologist advises 

The Undesirable (1915) Review

Title: The Undesirable
Year: 1915
Director: Michael Curtiz
Country: Hungary
Language: N/A

Michael Curtiz was best known for being the director of classic studio films, like Casablanca (1942) & Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942) during the "Golden Age of Hollywood". He was invited to Hollywood by Warner Bros in 1926 where he would serve a long career and win many awards, Many, at least nowadays,  are not aware about his life before Hollywood, where he was known in Hungary as Kertész Mihály and directed dozens of films. The Undesirable (1915) is one of his earliest successful ventures. 

Betty (Lili Berky, a young woman living in the country, is told by her dying father that he is really her uncle. Alone, she travels to the city where she finds employment, love, and hopefully her mothers' wherabouts. 

Previously thought lost due to time (it's thought 90% of silent films are lost) a print was found in New York City and the restored picture is available to the public. Due to being 105 years old, the acting in The Undesirable may come across as hammy and over-the-top. The stage veterans present in this picture were used to conveying their emotions in an extremely large venue & struggled to adapt their style. To fully enjoy the film, one has to take a step back & adjust their expectations. 

The Undesirable is a great blend of the comedic & dramatic in terms of story, in addition to the authentic and the aritficial in terms of production. We are treated to genuine Hungarian locations, extras, and costumes, but Curtiz does rely a bit to much on sets, that 100+ years later, look fairly cheap. The melodrama comes off strong, but it is fairly entertaining. 

During the production of this film Michael Curtiz & Mari Jászai found each other at odds, their feud making papers in Hungary. This publicity, in addition to it being a fun film at the time, helped The Undesirable become a hit. The picture is a worthwhile, albeit dated, viewing. 

Revolution of the Heart: The Dorothy Day Story (2020) Review

Title: Revolution of the Heart
Year: 2020
Director: Martin Doblmeir 
Country: US
Language: English

According to their website, St.Benedict's Table (Winnipeg, MB)  watched & discusssed Revolution of the Heart: The Dorothy Day Story on Zoom on May 12th, 2020 as part of their ongoing Theology in the Dark series. The film, aired by PBS on March 6th, 2020, is a fascinating dive into a radical catholic feminist Dorothy Day who championed the poor and, with her newspaper The Catholic Worker, provided hospitality for the chronically unwelcome. 

Revolution of the Heart  follows Dorothy Day's journey from young, communist journalist, to her awakening as co-founder of The Catholic Worker newspaper, to her later years & even touches upon the lives of people she influenced posthumously. 

Shedding light on a remarkable woman, who lived unlike most women in her time, Revolution of the Heart is a film filled with beautiful photos, archival footage, challenging narration and remarkable interviews (Cornel West is a recurring interview). Most impressive, is that we get Day's own interpretation of her past activities & personal views. It is an inspirational story that continued to impress me as the run-time went on. 

Though I don't entirely agree with her religious or economic views, as I'm not a conservative catholic, I must admit that I'm impressed by Dorothy Day & I certainly would have loved to have her as a dinner guest to discuss activism. Her campaign for womens & civil rights, combined with her ability to stir up trouble with authority, have me inspired to better my own life & stand up for others. 

I wish for all religious people to watch - or read about - Dorothy Day. She is a great example of what Chirstians should be; anti-authority, anti-capitalism and always available to lend a helping hand to those who are most of need. 

No Rating

Marianne & Leonard: Words of Love (2019) Review

Title: Words of Love (2019)
Year: 2019
Director: Nick Broomfeld
Country: US
Language: English

In high school I had a hippie English/Philosophy teacher named Barb Huband. She was in her 50's, usually had bare feet, and would constantly play folk music in the background of her classes. It was here I first heard of Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Joni Mitchell and Leonard Cohen. Infact, many English lectures consisted around dissecting the words to Cohen's music. Over the years I've developed a great admiration for his life and music; I wish I could write as poetically as he could. 

This documentary is an in-depth look at the relationship between the late musician Leonard Cohen and his Norwegian muse Marianne Ihlen.

The latest documentary by Nick Broomfeld, best known for Kurt & Courtney, Words of Love is a deep dive into the often forgotten muse of Cohen's life, Marianne. It is quite a revealing picture, digging up a tremendous amount of archive footage from the 60's & 70's, which creates an eye-opening vision of that era. In addition, the extensive interviews, many of which include Cohen & Marianne themselves bring great context to such a fascinating period. 

The inspiration for  "So Long, Marianne," "Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye," "Bird on the Wire," and "Moving On", Marianne was certainly an extraordinary creative force, which leads to my negative criticism of this film; why didn't the filmmaker explore more of Marrianne's pre & post Cohen life? This film paints her as "Cohen's muse" when she was so much more. She had her own success. We also don't see much of how Cohen was a creative inspiration on HER work. 

Broomfeld's documentary doesn't shy away from exposing the negative side of Leonard Cohen. Dubbed "The Ladies Man" Cohen appears very self-destructive in his womanizing ways, dropping them before they can break his heart. I think the documentary can be too forgiving of Cohen; sometimes portraying him as a genius because he's troubled (and/or vice versa) but overall I enjoyed the film. The last 10 minutes were tear-jerking & bittersweet. 

Theology by the Glass Rebuttal - July 22nd

 "Why Being Spiritual is Never Enough” by Fleming Rutledge

[ Theology by the Glass is a gathering by St.Benedict's table where we read an article, have food, and discuss our thoughts on it. I did not know about the July 22nd meeting, therefore I'm writing my rebuttal on here. The most recent article they discussed was Why Spirituality is Never Enough by Fleming Rutledge https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/may-web-only/fleming-rutledge-why-being-spiritual-is-never-enough.html ]

I would not call myself religious, nor would I call myself spiritual...nor would I call myself an atheist or agnostic. I feel satisfied to not have a label, because any label IS religion. 

Atheism used to be just "I like sleeping in on Sundays", but it has slowly evolved to become religion; a religion revolving around the disbelief of God. They have their leader Richard Dawkins, they have their book The God Delusion and they even meet on certain days and locations to discuss their disbelief! 

I am also baffled by people who call themselves "spiritual, but not religious". Those who preach of Karma, crystal healing, "The Secret" etc. Rutletge mirrors my opinions on these people saying "These ideas about human self-creation are deeply religious notions. They are born out of illusion, wishful thinking, and a failure to look radical evil straight in the face." It's religion without any real commitment. 

I do agree with Rutledge that it is important to make a "sharp distinction between self-justification and the utterly gratuitous, prevenient action of God." Without this distinction, as a society, we start to view "crystal healers" (whom do not require any real commitment or education) as equal to ministers & nuns (whom spend their whole lives to get that position). They should not be equal; religion should be more important to our well-being than vague "spirituality". 

"The sermons we hear on Sunday seem to be based on a biblical text, but that is not what makes a sermon biblical"

Growing up, my mother would take me to church for special ocassions like Easter & Christmas. The minister, though our neighbour, was monotone & sleep-inducing. Even as a child I could see he was going through the motions, not really that interested in the subject matter. If he, a person of faith who SHOULD care about the bible, is bored by the subject, then why should I be interested?

"If the preacher is not personally invested in expounding the text, so that he or she seems to be risking something, it’s not biblical preaching."

One reason I like St.Benedict's Table (Winnipeg, MB) , and more specifically "The Rev" Rev. Rachel Twigg's sermons is because I truly believe she is committed to the words she preaches. It is HARD to become a minister when you're a female, especially if you grew up with an evangelical mennonite mindset (in my experience hardcore Mennonites believe women should essentially be subservient to their husbands). I imagine she does not take biblical scripture lightly, even during more challenging times in her life. 

"Therefore be bold, be unafraid, dear brothers and sisters in the Lord. We have a great gospel."

I also like The Rev's sermons because they are bold; they challenge the status quo & encourage us to think differently from what we've been programmed to believe by our patriarchal society. Rather than inciting anger or shame, she encourages us to use our free will to be more observant and become better people. The Rev makes the gospel great. 

(Note: Oh wow, Fleming Rutledge is a female minister too! No wonder I found this a great read!)

Election (1999) Review

Title: Election
Year: 1999
Director: Alexander Payne
Country: US
Language: English

Barack Obama twice named Election (1999) as his favourite policical film that he saw while in office. The film, inspired by the 1992 election in America, is a stinging satire of American politics. Reese Witherspoon's Tracy Flick character has lived on in pop culture, even in minds of those who have never seen the film, due to parodying the archetype of the Lisa Simpson-esque "know it all". She reminds people of Hilary Clinton so much, that even Clinton mentioned it when she met Witherspoon for  the first time. 

In this, a high school teacher's (Matthew Broderick) personal life becomes complicated as he works with students during the school elections, particularly with an obsessive overachiever  (Reese Witherspoon) determined to become student body president.

Ideas of destiny "You can’t interfere with destiny; that’s why it’s destiny,” free will and morality are all observed in Election, usually placed during weird conversations about sex and student council protocol. Mr.M (Broderick) seems to be constantly on the brink of a midlife crisis (he's a character that would fit well in a Coen Brothers movie) and his constant disruption of ethics make for a hilarious downfall for his character. 

Election is a smart movie with themes that dive quite deep, but its substance doesn't take away from the fi;m's immense catalogue of humor. There are some scenes that are so funny, Simpsons writers just had to steal them. Mr.Smither's "deathly allergy" to bees was directly inspired by Mr.M's allergic run-in. Ultimately, even though I enjoy their many other works, Election is both Broderick's and Witherspoon's greatest cinematic outing. 

The Academy Awards made Alexander Payne a household name with Sideways (2004), but he deserved the recognition a half a decade before when this film hit theatres. I appreciate the film's non-judgemental treatment of same-sex attraction, as films made during that time were often steeped with homophobia or misunderstanding (in American Beauty the gay guy happens to be the homophobe, oy) This picture is quite an achievement. 

First Cow (2020) Review

Title: First Cow
Year: 2020
Director: Kelly Reichardt
Country: US
Language: English

A great double feature with Meek's Cutoff (2010), Kelly Reichardt's First Cow comes off as an anti-masculine anti-western. Some reviewers, like Armond White at National Review, are horrified by this fact; "Reichardt’s woebegone heroes can only interest the pop generation that fully bought into the idea of American heterosexual wickedness". I however, have found myself a new role model in American Cinema. Reichardt is exceptional both professionally and personally. 

A skilled cook (John Magaro) has traveled west and joined a group of fur trappers in Oregon, though he only finds true connection with a Chinese immigrant (Orion Lee) also seeking his fortune. Soon the two collaborate on a successful business.

Exceptionally well written, First Cow reminds me of a great John Steinbeck (Grapes of Wrath) novel. Both Steinbeck & Reichardt have bittersweet works that focus on characters who strive for a better life during difficult times in American History. Cookie & the immigrant remind me of Lennie and George from Of Mice and Men. They are two more feminine male characters, who have to navigate the uneasy waters of a world steeped in toxic masculinity. 

Reichardt's cinematographer, Christopher Blauvelt, shoots mainly in natural light, capturing  the green, muddy, thriving, and idyllic surroundings with grace. Their shots hold longer than most film-makers would allow today, giving us a great sense of immersion into this Americana setting. Reichardt's pace may be too slow for some viewers, but I love her deliberate observing touch. We go slowly through each scene, absorbing its atmosphere. 

Deviating from traditional Western Tropes, First Cow examines the folly of a so-called "Manifest Destiny" and dissects the corruptive impulses of Mankind. Man (specifically white man) and not nature is the foreboding beast in this picture. I am quite impressed; give Reichardt all the awards already! 

Cats (2019) Review

Title: Cats

Year: 2019

Director: Tom Hooper

Country: UK

Language: English

I haven't always been a cat person, but since my spouse moved in with their ginger one (named Silver) in 2014 I absolutely fell in love with felines. A year after, in 2015, we got a tortoise colored kitty named Bonnie. With my newfound fondness for those pets, I decided to check out the long-running musical Cats (1980) and well...it was quite bizarre. I did like the music numbers, like Mr.Mistoffeles. In 2019, it was announced that a big screen adaptation directed by Tom Hooper would hit theatres and...WOW. 

A tribe of cats called the Jellicles must decide yearly which one will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new Jellicle life.

This movie MIGHT have worked in the 70's when people were stoned out of their minds, but Cats (2019) is THE fever dream of fever dreams. Such an iconic ensemble of actors (how do you make Taylor Swift, an iconic singer, look BAD in a musical!?) whose talents have been wasted at the hands of a director who has no business in Hollywood (I HATED Hooper's version of Les Miserables too!)

Where to begin? The choice of costuming is hideous. The cast of the broadway show used a realistic looking costuming and make-up, whereas this is filled to the brim with cheap CGI (why a human nose and no whiskers on a cat?) The set design makes my head hurt. The spatial relation & size of objects make very little sense. The singing is so laughably bad (*stares at Rum Tum Tugger) 

The broadway musical at least had a weird, but curious sexuality about it. This movie...well, it tries, but comes off as goofy and awkward. Hooper's complete misdirection is baffling; making Cats a critical and commercial failure that was only viewed by people desiring to laugh AT it. I must admit though; some of the dancing is decent, albeit the frantic cuts border on Moulin Rouge "ADHD child buzzed out on sugar" territory. 

Cats ultimately is worse than Moulin Rouge, because at least that film has a cool moment or two (cue Roxanne scene). Both films are absolutely dreadful though; Watch only if you want to laugh at the misfire. 

No Rating (ZERO)

Dirty Dancing (1987) Review

Title: Dirty Dancing

Year: 1987

Director: Emile Ardelino

Country: US

Language: English

The Rev (Rev. Rachel Twigg) wrote about her recent rewatch of Dirty Dancing (1987) in her latest blog post (click HERE to read the post) comparing Baby's uncertainty to being a minister during the pandemic. Upon deciding which film to review next my spouse realized, "Hey! You haven't reviewed Dirty Dancing yet!" So therefore this is my official review of the 80's classic. 

Spending the summer at a Catskills resort with her family, Frances "Baby" Houseman (Jennifer Grey) falls in love with the camp's dance instructor, Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze)

The Rev begins her post by mentioning the taboo nature of the film; "we didn’t want anyone to know we were watching it." When I was an adolescent Dirty Dancing was forbidden to view in the house. The dirtiest VHS I could find was Titanic (1997) I had to wait until my late teens to watch it and, well, even though men aren't supposed to admit they liked this film (we are programmed to say "Footloose is better ya know!") I actually liked it a lot!  It's a marvelous blend of the, perhaps unintentionally, corny & the serious. 

"I've had the time of my liiiiife" Dirty Dancing, thanks to the remarkable casting of Grey and Swayze, oozes of charm & chemistry. I've had to fan myself down a few times. Phew! The soundtrack, which sold 32 million copies and is one of the best selling soundtracks of all time, contains both original music made for the film ("I've had the time of my life") & some previously composed ("Love is strange") It is a great mix of 60's rock & 80's ballads.  

Beautifully filmed and excellently choreographed, Dirty Dancing is an enjoyable film that men should appreciate more. Though some of the film is fairly dated in 2020 (I could do with better dialogue) & can come off as a little cheesy, it is hard to deny the cultural impact this film had on North American cinema. More musicals like this please! *glares at Cats (2019)