Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Review- By Michael J. Carlilse

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Year: 2014
Director: Jonathan Liebesman
Country: US
Language: English

Born on Feb 17, 1965 Michael Benjamin Bay is the type of Director/Producer everyone loves to hate- and they have good reason to. His pictures are not methodically paced; rather they are quick, mindless and full of action. If it is jam packed with explosives and terribly written dialogue then it is signature Michael Bay. He frequently collaborates with awful actors (Meagan Fox, Shia LaBeouf) who ham up the screen. Essentially he's the action movie equivalent of M. Night Shyamalan. It's safe to say that he won't be winning any Oscars any time soon.

Darkness has settled over New York City as Shredder (Tohoru Masamune) and his evil Foot Clan have an iron grip on everything from the police to the politicians. The future is grim until four heroes, who happen to be teenage mutant ninja turtles, rise from the sewers and seek justice for the fallen. 

This 2014 remake of the beloved franchise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is bold in vision, even if it doesn't deliver. Unlike the beloved 90's turtles, this generation's fab four are bullet-proof, six-foot tall mountains of biceps and quads. Foot leader Shredder looks like a death metal samurai. Surprisingly April O' Neil is actually a centerpiece in this film, rather than a forgotten extra that we are used to. There are many nods to the original flicks, but they are tongue and cheek, the film attempts to separate itself from the others.

The Michael Bay produced flick gets a ton of heat for not appealing to people's nostalgia. These aren't your cute and cuddly turtles who dance to Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap, these are- dare I say it- removed and improved. The jokes, even though they are often poor, are less redundant. Much of the time is spent on better action sequences which display a more real threat. Though Bay's vision is better, it still is not "good" by any stretch of the imagination. The cinematography is its weakest point; it is convoluted, uncoordinated and unprofessional. A blind monkey could shoot the film better. 

If you're looking for a trip down memory land, this is not the film for you. If you're looking for a coherent film with some resemblance of structure, this is not the film for you either. It is mindless action with a laugh or two on the side. The new turtles are unique in vision, but lazy in practice. Better than the originals, although I suspect the 90's films set out to be campy, but still pretty awful and much less fun. Piss on it! 2/5