Review #995: Cool As Ice (1991)

Title: Cool As Ice
Year: 1991
Director: David Kellogg
Country: US
Language: English

In 1990 Vanilla Ice joined the record label SBK Records and became an international sensation when his debut album, To the Extreme, dropped. This record became the fastest selling hip-hop record of all time, spending 16 weeks at the top of the Billboard 200. His single Ice Ice Baby would constantly play on North American radio. By 1991 Ice had ventured into film, having a minor cameo in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze. This inspired him to star in his own film about himself. 

The old teen rebel saga is updated for the rap crowd, unfortunately rapper Vanilla Ice is the teen. Ice shows up on a neon-yellow motorcycle which gets everyone's attention, including the female honor student who has never had a rebellious bone in her body.

Released roughly 26 years ago, Cool as Ice was a major flop when it first hit theaters. Neither critics or audiences liked it, thus it couldn't even make a fourth of its initial budget back. Presently Ice is on an "I love the 90's Tour" but if we're perfectly honest, the man's star burnt out just as the 90's started. Part of the reason his train stopped short was because of grunge; Nirvana's Nevermind had swept up America and left his music in the dust. In addition fans of real hip-hop felt that his overnight success was a slap in the face of groups (like Public Enemy) who actually had important political things to say.

Though Vanilla Ice thought himself as a "real" rapper, few in the industry actually gave a damn about him. The producers of his film were clearly looking to make a quick buck, as Cool as Ice looks like a really crappy cash grab, even for crappy cash grab standards. The plot resembles an Elvis picture, but Ice has none of the charm or acting ability (at least Elvis had SOME acting ability) to make the film bearable. The dialogue is shamefully lazy, as is the cinematography and set design. 

Cool as Ice might have worked if it was a five minute music video, admittedly the choreography is pretty decent and the music is...tolerable? I feel sort of bad for Ice, who was left behind just as the culture as a whole was shifting. Granted, I doubt this picture would work in any era. 

No Stars